Think your gear sucks? Well it doesn’t suck as bad as this stuff. We like to call it gear with issues… for good reason.
Some things are inherently not cool. Pogo balls, razor scooters and soap shoes all come to mind. Willi Winkel’s 8-wheeled skateboard is close, although Winkel had such great steeze, he kind of pulled it off. The Roller Bird on the other hand qualifies as a piece of gear with issues. And it is definitely not cool.
Discovered in an old storage locker, the Roller Bird features Tornado trucks, nameless wheels and a bumper pad. The ‘wings’ feature an extra wheel, for what we can only assume their doomed marketing department would tell us, ‘high speed cornering.’
We’re not sure the vintage of this savage beast, and you know a piece of gear has issues when google searches turn up absolutely nothing. Not a mention, a photo, or even a comical spoof. You can’t even get one of these on eBay.
We will also admit that no, we haven’t tried this thing. Should we be making such a harsh judgement about something we haven’t tried? Why yes, yes we should. The main reason we haven’t tried it? We’re scared someone might see us on it.
No this isn’t a pair of skis. There are two teleboards in this picture. What’s a teleboard you ask? Good question. Essentially the idea behind the teleboard is that it takes the free-heeled beauty of telemark skiing and combines it with snowboarding. One of the problems being you can’t alternate legs, and are stuck with the same foot forward no matter which direction you’re turning.
While some will attempt to convince you that telemark skiing is the future, we think it’s fair to assume that telemark skiing, like single-speed mountain biking will always exist on the fringes. There are always people that will consider telemark skiing the proper way to ski and when done well, we agree the tele turn is aesthetically superior. The teleboard turn however? Not so much.
These boards were manufactured in Connecticut and were first available in 1998. The Uniboard website goes into great detail describing how teleboarding is superior to snowboarding and skiing, but perhaps the date on the last ‘news update’ says it all: September 27, 2002.
We borrowed these from Scott Whitton, a guy that used to demo these throughout the US with and when challenged with the question, “what’s the point?” He answered point blankly; “There is no point.”
Nuff said. This gear’s got issues.